Yeah… almost a year and a half later. A very long, eventful, hard, interesting, and rewarding year and a half. Never would have thought it’d take me this long to finish this, and I never in a million years could have predicted the events that took place over that time.
That being said, here’s a picture of myself (so what if it was taken at Easter).
This is me and bff June. I feel like at the end of the photo challenge I’m in a pretty good place. I have a good job that I enjoy, a great group of friends, I love my family, and I’m moving through this whole grieving thing. I really can’t complain about anything. God is good, and I am blessed.
So obvious. I’ll just post a picture without a story. You all get the idea.
And another person I miss real hard is my friend, Gwenny… We weathered our first deployment together, and even though we haven’t lived in the same place for 8-ish years, she remains one of my bestest friends. It’s one of those relationships where we may not talk for a really long time, but when we do catch up it’s like we were always around each other. We’ve gone through “stuff” together, and she’s totally been there for me even though we don’t live close.Gwen’s pretty much awesome, and I lurves her. Miss her lots.
My brother posted this on my facebook wall with the caption “Found It”. Now that I think about it, my brother can pretty much always make me smile, even when things are sucktastic. I like that guy.
I used to be afraid of bees, but then I moved to Texas and had about 12 wasps nests under my deck and a few in my shed. Centipedes are kinda scary, too ====>
but they don’t fly, and you can pick ’em up with scissors and drop them in bleach, and they die a very satisfying death. Wasps are just evil looking, they travel in packs, and they don’t just die after they sting you–they just keep stinging and stinging. No, I’ve never been stung, but they still suck. The end.
I’ve been thinking a lot about writing lately…journaling, actually. I’ve done it a little bit, but I had the notion to revisit my blog today. Then I realized I never finished my Photo Challenge. On day 27, lo and behold the topic is a picture of me and and a family member.
The picture is of my mom and me. It’s not the greatest one of her, it was on one of her “bad days”. I’m sure I’ll post some of her later on, but this is the only one I have of the two of us.
On October 21st, my mother took her own life. When I was 19, my father did the same. At 34 years old, I have no living parents, and they both chose how and when they were going to die. I go through various emotions every other 5 mins, and I’m sure that I’ll be doing this for sometime. I’m prepared for that. 15 years after my father died, I still ask questions, and I wasn’t even that close to him.
My mom, on the other hand, is almost impossible to process. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said as an adult “I want my mommy” and really meant it. I can safely say right now, I want my mommy, and I can never have her again. The fact that she didn’t just die, she left, makes that realization that much harder.
Regardless of all that, my mama was an amazing woman. She had her struggles, she battled her demons, and sometimes she could drive you insane, but when she was HER…I don’t know a more wonderful person. She was compassionate, and passionate, and creative, and loved harder than I’ve ever known anyone to love. And most of all… I miss her. I miss her, and I just want her back.